Providing Mental Health Support During the Pandemic
I am often asked what it’s like providing mental health support during Covid 19. Aside from being technically challenging, the greatest issue is supporting others who are grieving while I myself am also experiencing grief.
Everyone is grieving the loss of something or someone right now and that includes me. As an online Mental Health provider, I offer support to people of all ages facing many different kinds of loss. I zoom with people who are speaking about losing their sense of confidence, safety and connection to people, places and community. I hear painful stories of struggle finding replacements for experiences that are once in a lifetime events. Supporting someone who can’t gather for a funeral and/or not being at the bedside to say good-bye challenges everyone on a soulful level.
My job is to help people discover the glimmer of light that shows us how to live through and past these times.Thankfully, I had some amazing teachers in Maine who gave me some strong spiritual muscles and a long list of lessons to draw from as I do this work. My work with seriously ill and dying children and their families serves me well as I once again face stories of loss and death. Every day I am reminded that facing loss and death teaches us about love and life. I have witnessed the power of a family trip to the beach with a dying child for the last time while working in Maine earlier in my career. My sincere gratitude for what most of us take for granted- appreciation for the daily little acts of love, forever changed me and became the foundation of my current work.
What I am re-learning is that offering support by listening and allowing people time to reflect on their losses ultimately reveals what they value most and serves as a beacon for me as well as them to reevaluate life’s many treasures. We have an opportunity during loss to understand LOVE on a deeper level. What we miss most about a person or an experience is what we care most about.
Providing support to those who have lost jobs, homes and businesses allows space to grieve. For instance with loss of a business, I help them remember why they initially built the business. What got them up in the morning and kept them motivated is about who and what they ultimately love. It becomes important to remember that the purpose of creating the business, buying the home, etc is usually to provide for their family and loved ones or something similar.
Understanding and accepting that the same ultimate result can happen again, albeit differently eventually offers comfort. Caring and providing for loved ones can take on another form and though scary, believing it can happen is sometimes the greatest accomplishment anyone can make while overwhelmed with loss. Holding on to a belief that it’s going to be maybe different but OK is a choice I help people make all day long.
There are people of all ages who are now bereaved and yearning for others to know their loved ones, to hear the stories of how special and wonderful that person was. Having someone validate their pain over the conflicts that caused disconnect and separation are an essential aspect of healing. Without the opportunity to gather for funerals and memorials, listening as they remember is a vital part of my day. Offering them the opportunity to reminisce and encouraging them to repeat the stories keeps the essence of the loved one alive and/or allows them to let go of what now cannot be.
Almost no one goes unscathed during this pandemic. My husband and I have a high school senior who has lost so much including but not limited to her graduation ceremony, concerts, performances and other significant senior events. She isn’t making final memories with friends who will soon scatter towards their own futures. What it has taught my family and others is that connection, caring and community is everything on all levels. This time of loss is reminding us that we are so proud of the kind, caring person she is. She has chosen to social distance and wear a mask because of her sense of social responsibility. That is equally important for us to celebrate along with her accomplishments.
As I experience fatigue and become overwhelmed by the missed people and experiences in my life and my family, I remember those families, those teachers, my luminaries who illustrated the value of loving each other and being together even in the most painful of circumstances--the source of so much pain right now (thankfully we have technology to fill in when hugs are not possible). I learned so much from their stories of gratitude for every moment of every day they were together with their loved one is so inspiring.
To rejuvenate and regroup, I usually go to the places that remind me of the cycle of life-the sea, mountains or the flower fields I live near. I am blessed to live near the water and the mountains within a short car trip. I breathe deeply of LIFE. If I can’t go to nature I look to memories, images or stories of others online to remind me of life and living. I appreciate and find gratitude for the smallest of things. That has been the gift of loss for me- understanding a bit better how to LIVE gratefully now. I encourage this in others because it has been a profound lesson.
I am learning to use this time to imagine how my life will be different when sheltering is over. I am suggesting my clients consider do the same and discover what are the most cherished moments they miss and what will they never take for granted again. It is individual for all of us, it may be surprising and it may be the source of our greatest opportunity. I am trying to savor this knowledge as well because it is a life lesson for all. It is going to be a difficult transition for all of us but we will find our way again.