Marathon Man

A mom caring for her teenage son dying of cancer tells me, ” I feel like I run a marathon every day.” Every day, caring for her son involves dispensing medicine, helping him move, spoon feeding him, bathing him with a washcloth, and responding to every little request. She is exhausted. She’s a mother to two other children. She’s a wife to her accountant husband. She’s the housekeeper. She shops for and prepares three meals a day for her family. She described feeling constantly pulled and overwhelmed. The hours between rising and going to bed each day feel to her like a marathon run within the four walls of her house.

Fatigue is one of the greatest challenges with caregiving, not just physically but emotionally, psychically, and spiritually as well. In my own experience, it was quite the “aha” moment when I realized I was more tired than my 83-year old mother! Thankfully, I took time for some self reflection to sort this out. I came to realize that part of my drain was taking on the emotions of my mother, who because of her stroke could no longer express them for herself.

As I watched my mother lose her capabilities day to day, I became more and more depressed. As she lost her capacity to speak clearly or walk without a walker or muster up the strength to hug her granddaughter, I became more tired. My grief weighed 100 pounds, and I carried it everywhere, every day.

As I moved through this experience, I remembered what I learned from Marathon Mom. To ease her fatigue and preserve her energy, she and her son took nature breaks. Together, they would sit outside and just listen to the birds. Sometimes they fell asleep right there on the porch with the sun on their faces, but more often than not this was their time to simply rest and be.

My quiet and alone times with my mother are some of the most precious memories I have. When the two of us were sitting together, silently joined by our breathing and our beating hearts, she could stop being challenged and infirm and needing my assistance. We were mother and daughter sharing a moment.